Comparison: The Thief of Joy
For most of my adult life, I’ve worked closely with women. For 18 years I was in the cosmetic industry, surrounded by a workforce that was 99% female. Today, as a health coach, I again work primarily with women. Over the years, I’ve noticed many tendencies we share—but one stands out as the most destructive: comparison.
Women compare everything—our bodies, faces, clothes, homes, children, marriages, cars, even purses. The list is endless. Yet what strikes me most is that we usually compare what can be seen rather than the things that matter most: character, resilience, faith, or kindness.
Too often, I hear it directed at me. Women will say, “Hannah, I wish I had your muscle tone,” or “I wish I looked like you.” But when I hear those words, my first thought is always, “You have no idea what it cost me to get here.”
Because here’s the truth: when we compare ourselves to someone else, we rarely compare the whole story. Do they also want my 18 years of sickness, 18 months of eating only four foods to heal? Do they want my 14 years of crippling anxiety—when medicine never really helped and I wondered if I’d ever feel normal again? Do they want my years of infertility heartbreak? No. They only want the parts that look shiny on the outside.
That’s why comparison is so dangerous—it convinces us that someone else’s highlight reel is the full picture. Social media makes this worse. We see the cozy fall-decorated home, not the tears shed after a miscarriage. We see the “happy couple” photos, not the lonely wife posting them to convince herself her marriage is okay. We see the perfect family pictures, not the mom at her wit’s end with a defiant child just hours before.
Comparison robs us of joy, but it also turns our gaze inward. It makes us self-focused instead of others-focused. It makes us selfish. What if instead of longing for someone else’s blessings, we started noticing and using the ones God has entrusted to us? Imagine the lives we could touch if we shifted our focus outward.
I’ve lived this firsthand. During my health battles, I constantly compared my broken body to others who could eat whatever they wanted. What I didn’t know then was that my story wasn’t finished. God was still writing it. The freedom and healing I now have is greater than anything I could have imagined—and now those very same women come to me for help.
So let me ask you: Who are you comparing yourself to? Do you really know their whole story? Could it be that while you’re wishing for their life, they’re quietly wishing for yours?
The Bible speaks directly to this in 2 Corinthians 10:12:
“Not that we dare to classify or compare ourselves with some of those who are commending themselves. But when they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding.”
The older I get, the more I’ve learned that the only meaningful comparison is with myself: Am I growing in Jesus? Am I more loving, more patient, more surrendered than I was yesterday? Am I helping people live fuller lives? Those are the comparisons that bring joy instead of stealing it.
Next time you catch yourself comparing, pause and ask:
• Do I really know their full story?
• Would I honestly trade places with them?
• What in my life am I grateful for?
• What areas of my life am I willing to change with God’s help?
• Is my community better because I’m living out my gifts?
Comparison doesn’t have to steal your joy. With a shift in perspective, it can remind you of the unique, beautiful life God has written just for you.
