Is this what I thought 48 would look like?

As a little girl you daydream what life will be like as a grown woman: graduation of school, college, boyfriends, husband, job or staying home with babies — lots of babies — house in the country, shopping trips galore, and so forth.

So many women have this idea in their minds of how they want their wedding to look, how childbirth should be, and that their house will be clean and tidy all the time (well at least that’s what I thought was expected! LOL!).

Yet, I sit here at 48 and my life looks nothing like how I ever imagined it would be.
But is that necessarily a bad thing?

Many times we can look back and mourn over the fact that things didn’t turn out the way we expected. We can have sadness as we see the hurt or the betrayal in our past.

But, what if God allowed all of that to happen — not as a means of causing pain in our lives — but as a means of giving us purpose?

At 48, I can honestly say that I look the best physically I have ever looked. So much so, I worked decades to get the abs I have and the muscle definition that makes me look the way I do now.

If that had been so easy to obtain in my 20s and 30s, I probably wouldn’t be as passionate as I am now about what goes into my body.
I wouldn’t be as passionate as I am in helping other women obtain these goals either.

Yet, I also have a failed marriage.
My body has had 7 major surgeries.
I spent 7 years fighting infertility.
I have wrinkles and graying hair,
And as my daughter told me — “Mom, your chest is flat!”

But I am grateful my life doesn’t look like how I imagined or hoped it would be.

The pain, the rejection, the broken body, the tears, the agony, the fear and disappointments, the joys, and the happy moments have made me who I am today.

At 48:

• I have a closer walk with Jesus than I have ever had.
  I sense His presence in ways I never did at 28, because all those disappointments caused me to seek His face in ways I never would have done without them.

• My body is healthier than it’s ever been, meaning I can move without pain and my bloodwork looks incredible — because without a broken body and fearful situations and surgeries, I would never have fought hard for my physical healing.

• My mind is clear and calm — because if I hadn’t been through years of anxiety and depression, I would never have understood the connection of the physical and spiritual contributions to mental health.

• I am more confident in who I am, without comparison to others — because if I hadn’t felt insecurity and loneliness, I would never have discovered who I am as a child of God.

Would I ever want to be 28 again?
Absolutely not!

Would I go back and change some things?
Maybe, maybe not.

The only thing I can do now is enjoy being 48, and look around and see how faithful God has been to me — and how He has never let me go.

Yes, I never imagined I would be here at 48, but I can honestly say I am so very grateful for my life to be where it’s at at 48, and I wouldn’t change a thing!

So even when we don’t understand the journey or why things go another way, they do.
One thing we can depend on is that God’s ways are always better than what we can imagine.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”
— Isaiah 55:8-9

So, with this, I leave you some questions:

• What disappointment are you thankful for?

• When you look back on your life, do you sit in regret or gratefulness?

• Can you see that a heartache was maybe the greatest thing that happened to you?

• What do you wish to change so you can be a better version of yourself in another 10 years' time?